School's Out For Summer!

Yay! It's Summer. For you guy at least.

I am doing summer research in couple of days and I won't be back to my hometown until July 6th. Which sucks cease I have to miss the Fourth of July. Oh well, I'll probably just buy some hot wings and chill on the beach with some drinks.

This past school year has been a blast. I made new friends, created stronger bonds with old friends, and now I have a boyfriend. I know that's not the most important thing but it's still pretty awesome. Next school year will be even better though. I'm joining the track and field team and I'm bringing my car over. I'm so excited!

I'll be a junior in college and I'm so ready. Unfortunately this means I'm going to have to take super hard classes but I think I can keep up.

Enough about school, time to talk about Summer. I'm so ready for it. No I don't have a new bikini but I am working out to look better in my old ones. Also I'm doing karaoke at our old sports bar and if I win, I can get $100. How cool is that?

This Summer is going to be super awesome.

My favorite part is how free I will be. Last Summer I tried to hard to get noticed by this guy I liked, who happens to be a jerk. I tried so hard to have everyone notice me by dating people I didn't like, just to get to the top of the social chain.

But I'm done with that. From now on. I'm just going to be me. Kickin' it with my friends and being as weird as I can.

One Hell of Week. And It's Only Thursday

Yep, I'm back! And with more suckishness than this blog can even handle.

First of all, I have a throat infection. Yes, it very gross. I swear I have no idea from where it came but it's here. Not to stay though, it's going away. Sadly, so is my voice. I sound like a man. Well not like a man because men sound attractive. I kinda sound like a toad. I also look like death, apparently.

Secondly, my ankle/shin-foot bridge swelled. Yep, me, being the cheapskate that I am, slipped on some beer at a dorm party trying to steal a quarter off the floor and hit my foot on the couch. It rubbed on the fabric and I got burned and when I woke up the next day, it was swollen.

Third and foremost, I broke up with my boyfriend. Look I really hate short non-lasting relationships, but this had to be done. I will tell you why as I explain what happened in this long ass story.

     So a couple weeks ago, we had spring break (early I know). My ex-boyfriend had just gotten a new job so he was working everyday. So he would come back from work at like 6pm, eat and fall asleep by 9 ish. I would try to wake him up but it was futile. He falls into Odin Sleep (Marvel Reference).
     I didn't want my spring break to be boring so instead of staying locked up in my room, I wandered around my half of the dormitory and made some new friends. They were guys yes but thats because I live on the guy side of the dormitories, don't ask me why. One guy and I started texting, mostly because of our infatuation with Wonder Woman, and all of us would hang out.
     Somewhere along the line my ex started to think I was cheating on him, which I wasn't, so he talked to me about it. That's fine I understand where he's coming from. He also told me that if he sees me talking to the guy, he'll get really jealous and he'll punch him. So I just stopped talking to my friend because I don't believe in violence and I felt like I already did enough damage right?
    Anyways last night, we all went to celebrate my friend's birthday "Happy Birthday Rafa!" and my ex was the only one to get super drunk. He started talking about punching the dude again so fed up I said
"Fine! Go ahead and punch him." Then he was all like
"Do you have something to say to me?"
"No, what are you talking about?"
"Do you have something to say to me?" He then pulled me outside, unwillingly. "If you have something to say to me then say it."
"No, I don't."
"[insert my name here], you've been acting strange all night. Tell me what you have to say." Mind you this is all aggressively. Also, I've had this throat infection since Monday so I was coughing and I couldn't talk because my voice left and and I didn't want to dance and I definitely did not feel like drinking so yes, I was acting strange all night.
     Finally after he cursed me out some more and yanked his hands away from mine and walked back to our friends. This is an outside or parking lot bar we were at so I was pretty much cursed out in public in front of everyone. I walked away and waited for the safari to come pick us up. I live in the islands and a safari is an open taxi. There are no doors or windows in the back so you just climb in and climb out. When everyone was piled in, one of our friend's that drove to the bar came over so naturally I asked him for a ride, with my throat infection and all. The cold air would have been terrible for my throat. And the public humiliation was also a factor. When my ex heard he yelled,
"Wait, who needs a ride? [insert my name here] needs a ride? She can get off the safari. Heck, I'll even give you money so you can catch a taxi home instead of catch the safari! DUMB FUCKING BITCH."

Hold the mother fucking phone. No one is going to call me a dumb bitch, especially not someone who claims they care about me. Like that shit won't fly here.

So I sent him a text when I made it back to my room saying that we are broken up. I couldn't talk to him in person with him being in his violent state and what not so I did what I felt safe doing. He sent like 4 texts after that, the last one stated "Fuck you!". Finally when I was brushing my hair to go to sleep I heard yelling and stomping outside so I opened my door and I heard him shouting/crying about fight someone and apparently a bunch of people where holding him back so I just went inside. Up to now I don't know who he wanted to fight and I think he was talking to me because everyone was pushing him to his room away from my room door.

And that's how we broke up. I refuse to be with anyone that disrespects me like that. And that's what happened this week.

Ooooh and I lost a volleyball game on Sunday.

The Awkwardness of My Life

I swear I should have named this blog, The Awkwardness of My Life. Seriously, it describes my life a hella lot better and I have less spellcheck error situations (suckishness is not a real word).

     So to start things off, I didn't dye my hair lilac, I dyed it a cute Mag-Rose; it's short for magenta and rose petal. I had a brown, blond, mag-rose ombre thing going on. It was cute but now it's time for a more subtle hairstyle because I'm going to a wedding in two days.

     Oh yeah, so how am I stuck in yet another awkward situation? So I'm currently dating this guy (well apparently not because last night I called him my boyfriend and he said "When did I become your bf? There was no dtr" I didn't even know what that acronym stood for but evidently it's something couples must do as it verifies whether the two of you are in a relationship or not.) of whom no one thinks I should be in a relationship with and my big ex is coming home for Christmas.

    I know what you're thinking. "Oh my gosh Jonique, he's your ex and don't listen to what all your friends say" and I know. It's just that I like hanging out with both of them but they don't exactly "get along" and my ex is the nicest guy I know and I still feel guilty about everything I did to him. I'm not going to say I still like him because that would throw too many emotions into the pot that I don't need right now.

Also, I want him to come back and see me at my best but I'm doing my hair tomorrow and I'm going out tonight and I know I'll see him tonight when my hair is all not done and such and I'm just a nervous wreck of immense energy and I don't even think I make sense right now.

 I just took a breath.

But yeah, I'm terribly awkward and I don't know how I'm going to talk to him without letting my awkwardness affect the situation and then he'll think I'm not comfortable around him anymore and that'll just ruin EVERYTHING!!!

Uggghh. I need to relax.

Rainbows. Combat Boots. The Beach. Tacos. Clouds….

Ok. I just need to stop overcomplicating things. So what if I don't look my best tonight, he's my friend above everything else and he'll accept me, train wreck hair and all. And as for my not boyfriend, it's not that serious because we're fine the way we are, relationship or not, and we're not exactly the best candidates for the perfect relationship anyway, so I guess it all works out.

Why do girls always overcomplicate the situation?

Why Am I So Excited?

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

So… I am too excited! Can you guess why?

I am dying my hair lilac!!!

      I know right. Out of the blue, I've decided to dye it lilac. So I made a tumblr and I started following this blog PrettyBlackPastel and now inspired to dye my hair. I put in a long weave at the beginning of the semester so I'm thinking, even if it turns out terrible, which it won't, I can just take out the weave. I've told my friends I'm dyeing my hair but I haven't told them exactly what I'm doing. When I get back to school they are going to flip out. I'm also so nervous. I only have one more week of school so I really don't feel like I have anything to worry about. Also if push comes to shove I have a variety of hats.

     Eeeeee! I'm so nervous though. One of my friends, my "guy friend", said he will disown me if I dye my whole head pink. And some of my friends said I should just do the tips of my hair [just breathe Jay] but I feel like the tips only would look weird because my hair is brown, it's not like jet black. I feel like Bring On The Color I'm Going All Out Bitches! Excuse me I'm just so hype.

Wish me luck guys!

Pseudo Self-Reflection

You don't have to be pretty to have a good time…


I was originally going to blog about how suckish my life has been but after a semi-invigorating speech from my bestie's bf and a little self reflection, I realize the thing that has me down in the dumps is him.

Yes him.

This boy is the reason I've been so sad. And why should I let anyone have that kind of power over me.
Okay I'm trying not to rant but I can't help it. I'm a ranter(sp?).

So I've decided not to let anything get me down because I'm Lady J! And if you don't know me, that means I'm pretty fucking awesome. And I don't have to put up with anything that makes me feel terrible about myself. And I don't say this because I'm cocky. I'm saying this because it not only applies to me, but to everyone else out there. You shouldn't do anything (or anyone) that makes you unhappy.

But yes I'm pretty damn cocky.

If he's always yelling at me and makes me sleep on the edge of the bed or never shows any PDA what-so-ever, it's my fault for putting up with it. I have my own bed, I don't have to listen to what he says, and also there are other boys. I was actually invited on a date today.

I know, me. A date! Which would be awesome.

He invited me to the movies. If I was interested, I'd definitely say yes. But I am not, for shallow, shallow reasons.

So this weekend while he's gone, I'm going to party like it's 1699. Yep, I'm going hard. Then I'm going to make my video (from the last blog post). I actually haven't reread that post yet. I wonder what I said…

Anyways, I'd like to thank Pop Punk music and Organic Chemistry for cheering me up. Yes I love Chemistry, don't judge me.

Yay All Time Low and Cleavage to Carbonyl Compounds using Oxidation.


mini rant:

So he's just not the guy I used to like. He's so rude to me and pretty much treats me like I'm a non-factor which I'm not. I'm the most fucking awesomest person out there and I'm pretty upset. And the worst part is he can't see it. I tell you everyone else can but him. And if I even sigh he'll say "Don't come with that bullshit, you know I treat you better than everyone else." Well news flash! Taking me out for sushi dates (I don't even like sushi that much (I had been trying to go out for tacos with him for about 2 weeks no lie but he doesn't like soft-shell tacos so he won't go out with me)) or puckering your lips every once in a while so I don't seem upset does not count as treating me better than everyone else. I'm tired of getting cursed at multiple times a day for bullshit. I don't know who you think you are or what you think I did to you, but I don't deserve this.

I'm hungry...

Early Morning Chronicles

I've just decided that I can do anything I want and going to make a video of my Crazy Stupid Life. 

Please forgive me it's almost 4 o'clock in the morning and I have and 8o'clock class in a few. 

 After I make the video I'll put a link up here so everyone can see it. I'm pretty sure I can become famous, I'm just saying. 

So this whole week I've been freaking out and I can't say why but I can just say it's been driving me insane. I think if I have to wait another day I'm going to explode... from anxiety... and stress omg.

Hmmm but now that I think about it, that's why I blog. So I don't explode. 

Ahhhh! I need something to distract me! Ok so next week is Halloween and I'm going to have the best costume ever. No, I'm not dressing up in skimpy clothing but I will give you a hint, it's a video game/movie character. The clothes that I ordered online might not come until after Halloween but I'm still so excited!!! If anyone can guess who I'm going as, I will love them forever. 

Forgive my terrible diction and syntax but I am so tired. I might not even wake up tomorrow morning. I think I might just pull an all nighter... unless I get too tired. 

Ahhhhh, my phone is on 4% but I will continue to type! Omg I'm going to regret publishing this in the morning when I am fully rested. Anyways, I guess I'll give an accurate update on my life next time. 

Maybe I'll proofread this in the morning too... or maybe tomorrow I'll use all the time I can get for sleep. Goodnight!

My Conundrum

I haven't been posting lately because my mind has been so preoccupied with this problem. In fact, I have a conundrum. So I've been casually seeing this friend of mine, on/off, for about 7 months now. I liked him but I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with him after my Big Breakup. We're still "seeing each other casually" but the situation is more complicated. I would love to be his girlfriend now but I can't. And here are FIVE reasons as to why I cannot.

1. I made a promise to myself in the 11th grade that I would only have one more boyfriend.
And Lo and Behold! my Big Ex was my third boyfriend. We dated for almost a year before I completely destroyed the relationship. I just feel like it wouldn't be right.

2. He doesn't like me now as much as he did before.
He doesn't really hate me but I can tell things are different now. Last semester he used to come up to my room just to hang out with me. This year, everything is different. He almost never comes to my room. When he does, it's because he wants to talk to one of my suite mates and not me. I can honestly say he treats every one of his female friends better than he does me. He's not flirting with them. He's honestly just nicer to them. If there's something funny on his phone, he'll show it to them and ignore me. If he finds something cool or if he can do something cool, he show them how to do it. I'd have to ask for his attention. And if I do he'll hit me with his signature catch phrase "Shut up woman!" I really can't deal with that. Speaking of which...

3. He always insults me now.
I swear he treats everyone better than he does me. In the Caf, our school cafeteria, I am the butt of all his jokes. He will never say anything if the others are joking about me. In fact, he'll join in. And don't get me started on how many compliments I get from him. The number is probably ranges from 0-1. And whenever we're alone it's just quiet, or he's insulting me. You'd think he'd be nicer to me when we're in private right. Wrong! I told him off about it but he really does not think that he's not nice to me. Everyone can see this but he can't.

4. I don't know how to be in a relationship.
Like what do I do? What if we want to break up? What if the ex that he worships comes back to the school? Like what do we do then? What if I make the same mistake that I did with my ex. He'd kill me. I don't want to risk that. You know what they say, 'Once a cheater always a cheater...'

5. It won't be fair if we get together.
Last night he got super drunk and he was yelling at me. He's was saying stuff like it's not fair that when he liked me, whatever he did wasn't good enough and now that I like him it's magically enough. He also said that he doesn't like being the second choice just because that the guy I used to like isn't here this semester and now he gets a chance.

I put point 5 in there because I'm not the sole victim. I just don't know what my next move should be.