Pseudo Self-Reflection

You don't have to be pretty to have a good time…


I was originally going to blog about how suckish my life has been but after a semi-invigorating speech from my bestie's bf and a little self reflection, I realize the thing that has me down in the dumps is him.

Yes him.

This boy is the reason I've been so sad. And why should I let anyone have that kind of power over me.
Okay I'm trying not to rant but I can't help it. I'm a ranter(sp?).

So I've decided not to let anything get me down because I'm Lady J! And if you don't know me, that means I'm pretty fucking awesome. And I don't have to put up with anything that makes me feel terrible about myself. And I don't say this because I'm cocky. I'm saying this because it not only applies to me, but to everyone else out there. You shouldn't do anything (or anyone) that makes you unhappy.

But yes I'm pretty damn cocky.

If he's always yelling at me and makes me sleep on the edge of the bed or never shows any PDA what-so-ever, it's my fault for putting up with it. I have my own bed, I don't have to listen to what he says, and also there are other boys. I was actually invited on a date today.

I know, me. A date! Which would be awesome.

He invited me to the movies. If I was interested, I'd definitely say yes. But I am not, for shallow, shallow reasons.

So this weekend while he's gone, I'm going to party like it's 1699. Yep, I'm going hard. Then I'm going to make my video (from the last blog post). I actually haven't reread that post yet. I wonder what I said…

Anyways, I'd like to thank Pop Punk music and Organic Chemistry for cheering me up. Yes I love Chemistry, don't judge me.

Yay All Time Low and Cleavage to Carbonyl Compounds using Oxidation.


mini rant:

So he's just not the guy I used to like. He's so rude to me and pretty much treats me like I'm a non-factor which I'm not. I'm the most fucking awesomest person out there and I'm pretty upset. And the worst part is he can't see it. I tell you everyone else can but him. And if I even sigh he'll say "Don't come with that bullshit, you know I treat you better than everyone else." Well news flash! Taking me out for sushi dates (I don't even like sushi that much (I had been trying to go out for tacos with him for about 2 weeks no lie but he doesn't like soft-shell tacos so he won't go out with me)) or puckering your lips every once in a while so I don't seem upset does not count as treating me better than everyone else. I'm tired of getting cursed at multiple times a day for bullshit. I don't know who you think you are or what you think I did to you, but I don't deserve this.

I'm hungry...

Early Morning Chronicles

I've just decided that I can do anything I want and going to make a video of my Crazy Stupid Life. 

Please forgive me it's almost 4 o'clock in the morning and I have and 8o'clock class in a few. 

 After I make the video I'll put a link up here so everyone can see it. I'm pretty sure I can become famous, I'm just saying. 

So this whole week I've been freaking out and I can't say why but I can just say it's been driving me insane. I think if I have to wait another day I'm going to explode... from anxiety... and stress omg.

Hmmm but now that I think about it, that's why I blog. So I don't explode. 

Ahhhh! I need something to distract me! Ok so next week is Halloween and I'm going to have the best costume ever. No, I'm not dressing up in skimpy clothing but I will give you a hint, it's a video game/movie character. The clothes that I ordered online might not come until after Halloween but I'm still so excited!!! If anyone can guess who I'm going as, I will love them forever. 

Forgive my terrible diction and syntax but I am so tired. I might not even wake up tomorrow morning. I think I might just pull an all nighter... unless I get too tired. 

Ahhhhh, my phone is on 4% but I will continue to type! Omg I'm going to regret publishing this in the morning when I am fully rested. Anyways, I guess I'll give an accurate update on my life next time. 

Maybe I'll proofread this in the morning too... or maybe tomorrow I'll use all the time I can get for sleep. Goodnight!

My Conundrum

I haven't been posting lately because my mind has been so preoccupied with this problem. In fact, I have a conundrum. So I've been casually seeing this friend of mine, on/off, for about 7 months now. I liked him but I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with him after my Big Breakup. We're still "seeing each other casually" but the situation is more complicated. I would love to be his girlfriend now but I can't. And here are FIVE reasons as to why I cannot.

1. I made a promise to myself in the 11th grade that I would only have one more boyfriend.
And Lo and Behold! my Big Ex was my third boyfriend. We dated for almost a year before I completely destroyed the relationship. I just feel like it wouldn't be right.

2. He doesn't like me now as much as he did before.
He doesn't really hate me but I can tell things are different now. Last semester he used to come up to my room just to hang out with me. This year, everything is different. He almost never comes to my room. When he does, it's because he wants to talk to one of my suite mates and not me. I can honestly say he treats every one of his female friends better than he does me. He's not flirting with them. He's honestly just nicer to them. If there's something funny on his phone, he'll show it to them and ignore me. If he finds something cool or if he can do something cool, he show them how to do it. I'd have to ask for his attention. And if I do he'll hit me with his signature catch phrase "Shut up woman!" I really can't deal with that. Speaking of which...

3. He always insults me now.
I swear he treats everyone better than he does me. In the Caf, our school cafeteria, I am the butt of all his jokes. He will never say anything if the others are joking about me. In fact, he'll join in. And don't get me started on how many compliments I get from him. The number is probably ranges from 0-1. And whenever we're alone it's just quiet, or he's insulting me. You'd think he'd be nicer to me when we're in private right. Wrong! I told him off about it but he really does not think that he's not nice to me. Everyone can see this but he can't.

4. I don't know how to be in a relationship.
Like what do I do? What if we want to break up? What if the ex that he worships comes back to the school? Like what do we do then? What if I make the same mistake that I did with my ex. He'd kill me. I don't want to risk that. You know what they say, 'Once a cheater always a cheater...'

5. It won't be fair if we get together.
Last night he got super drunk and he was yelling at me. He's was saying stuff like it's not fair that when he liked me, whatever he did wasn't good enough and now that I like him it's magically enough. He also said that he doesn't like being the second choice just because that the guy I used to like isn't here this semester and now he gets a chance.

I put point 5 in there because I'm not the sole victim. I just don't know what my next move should be.