The Ugly Ducking

So I went home for the weekend because my godmother died (Bless Her Soul) and it turns out my big ex came home for Spring Break. All my friends said he was there so I texted him. He was at our local pub an he accidentally sent me the text "I bet she doesn't even think about me". So I'm like what are you talking about and he says I won't understand and even if I do it doesn't matter. So I texted back I'm sorry and he texts back that doesn't mean anything coming from you.

Yeah, it kinda stung.

Then the next day I asked him to come over so we could see each other before we leave and he said okay. We talked and caught up and everything was awesome, except I felt different around him. I just felt... ugly. And lame. Like I shouldn't have even been talking to him. Like I wasn't good enough for him. It's not like he looked amazing and I paled in comparison to the new him or anything like that. I just suddenly felt like the ugliest person on the planet. Like all my flaws were multiplied by a thousand. I felt sunburned and fat, like I was balding and my hair was falling out, peeling and discolored skin. Just gross. Like I almost couldn't stay in the same room as him. Lately I've been really confident with how I look, but last night. I just felt different around him. The next day I felt fine, like a swan or a butterfly, but last night. All my confidence just shriveled up and left.

The last time I felt like that, was in my freshman year of high school. Like an ugly loser who just doesn't fit in amongst everyone else. What the fuck happened to me last night?

I just can't stop thinking about it.